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The five languages of love

Extract from ‘Don’t Say I Never Told You’ Series 2

-A guide to life from a loving father to his millennial daughters

We like to receive love predominantly in two of these ways:

  1. Words of affirmation

  2. Physical touch

  3. Receiving gifts

  4. Receiving acts of service

  5. Having quality time together

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of ‘’The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts’, says the key to a lasting relationship is communicating to your partner through their preferred language of love. You and your partner are bound to have a different language of love so spending quality time with them may not be scoring the goal you thought.

Words of Affirmation

People who need words of affirmation need to hear frequently, from the people they love, approval and gratitude for who they are and what they do.

You need words of affirmation if you find yourself constantly fishing for compliments.

Physical Touch

Physical touch is showing love through hugging, massaging, being intimate, or simply putting a caring hand on your partner’s shoulder. For the person with this love language, physical touch is the supreme representation of love. With consistent physical contact, this person’s love tank is full. Without touch, this person feels unloved.

You need physical touch if you feel lonely and lost when you have not been physically near a loved one. You constantly crave to be close to those you care about, and you demonstrate your love for them with hugs, massages, and even sitting close to them.

Receiving gifts

The love language of gifts does not require large or extravagantly expensive gifts. It can be notes, flowers, or simply buying a pastry. People who need gifts feel validated when you spend money and/or time picking something out for them.

The person with this language cherishes seeing the gift as it reminds them of your love. If there is no tangible evidence of your love, your partner may have a hard time feeling it or believing in it.

You need gifts if you think or wait anxiously for holidays or birthdays to see what your loved ones might give you.

Acts of service

These are acts of love when someone performs an action for the other without prompting and with the sole intention of pleasing the other. This can be cleaning, cooking, driving, or doing an errand. Whether an act of service makes life easier for your partner or simply fulfills a known desire, your partner will be filled with love.

You need acts of service if you:

  • find yourself constantly asking your loved ones to do household chores, errands, life administration, etc.

  • feel unwanted or unimportant, when your loved ones do not follow through on a promise, or don’t do something you asked.

Quality time

People who need quality time crave time alone with their loved ones so they can catch up talk and bond.

When time is set aside for the one you love, it may feel like a sacrifice. To the person with this love language, that sacrifice speaks volumes.

You need quality time with you loved one if you:

  • find yourself constantly desiring to be with them.

  • feel unsatisfied or unhappy when you are not with them.

Extract from ‘Don’t Say I Never Told You’ Series 2

-A guide to life from a loving father to his millennial daughters

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